


Color Spectrum

by clumsykitty



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: A.I. Tony, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - No Hydra Takeover, Comatose Tony, F/M, Flashbacks, Hydra Steve Rogers, M/M, Mentions of Blood, POV Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Steve Rogers Feels, Stony - Freeform, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 17:56:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsykitty/pseuds/clumsykitty
Summary: Steve was sure he had the victory in his hands, Hydra has won and the world has begun to take on the colors of the dream he has desired the most. However, for some reason, the pieces of his plan do not seem to fit, perhaps it was because Tony is missing and the leader of Hydra can't stop thinking about him.





	1. Color Spectrum

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank all those who helped me write this story: my fabulous sidekick fgalaxy for the push, Shell_head because she made of this Cinderella, a princess. And thanks to Hero Skatman, it has been an honor to have written for you and by your side, please check the wonderful art in the second chapter!
> 
> Lyrics belongs to Florence + The Machine, Spectrum.

 

_When we first came here_  
_We were cold and we were clear_  
_With no colors in our skin_  
_We were light and paper thin_  
  
_And when we first came here_  
_we were cold and we were clear_  
_With no colors in our skin_  
_'Til we let the spectrum in_

 

* * *

 

 

** RED **

 

 

 

In the beginning, everything was alright.

He said it and he meant it, completely honest with the man lying down like the fucking Snow White in the SHIELD’s complex. Steve almost tasted the victory in his mouth when he left Tony behind after his confession. Looking at the sky, thinking how close to reach his dream was then. Because nobody ─ at least nobody important, suspected about the true behind Captain America and when they finally figured it out, it would be late, too late.

The dream was so vivid, and majestic, better than any Modern Wonder in the actual world. Euphoria ran through his veins, muscles and brain, let him feeling like a storm falling at peacefully night over a field with full force. Beautiful, was one of the words chosen by the soldier, seeing his own image on the mirror, painting the red skull in his chest quite slowly, enjoying the sensation. Victory, yes, almost there.

But in the next days, something inside Steve was born. A strange annoying feeling, buzzing all his body. A scratching, burning sensation coming with a well-known voice, at first, he believed it was a kind of guilt from the memories of his old self, the fake Steve. So, he shut it down using all his will and for a while, everything was alright. Planning, scheming, and lying to Hill, Danvers, the whole goddamn world, even to that poor kid Miles.

He gave an amazing speech, hearing the ovation shouting his name. Applauses with hope and admiration that fed up his internal crave for attention. Thinking once more time about the fact that Tony was sleeping now, ─ perhaps forever ─ whose hopes lay in the perfect soldier with impeccable principles who was supposed to be protecting his world, their world.

Their world?

Since when did “ _their_ ” fit in Steve’s plans?

Carol told him a little secret one day at SHIELD’s Headquarters. They were having lunch, greeting new members and talking about the missing ones. Tony was “alive” in the form of an A.I. ─ nothing special to him. The man already did that once ─ but it was revealed to her first.

Danvers told him about the whole conversation and that strange sensation; the buzz, returned making him sick and sort of angry.

Why did Tony speak with Carol and not him? Why?

He must excuse himself and left before the irritation showed up on his face and put him in the sight. Steve walked until he could breathe the fresh air in the gardens. He stopped and watched the sun crossed the sky between white big clouds. Logic came to his rescue. Tony sent the A.I to Captain Marvel to calm the woman down and let her know that his condition was part of his plans, because Tony Stark was nothing but a fucking smart ass futurist.

“Am I supposed to be surprised? Hell no,” he said to himself in the middle of the yard, “you’re forgetting all I confessed.”

The wind touched his face and a pair of birds flied away. The buzz feeling didn’t let him. Angry, Rogers dropped his eyes through the ground, barely moving his feet, smashing the green grass as he wished it was Tony´s hopes, smiles and tears.

He was HYDRA. He was the dream!

“Captain?” a voice brought him back to the reality.

“Yes?”

“Agent Hill would like to speak with you, Sir.”

“I’m on my way.”

_Why did Tony speak first with Danvers and not him?_

The buzz, again, the buzz said it without stop.

Some days later, he read a report about an incident near of MIT’s installations. Apparently, a girl named Riri Williams was involved but the agents in charge wrote a description of T.A.I. ─ Tony’s nickname given by Danvers.

T.A.I was helping her in the same altruist way the genius helped out Kamala Khan, Miles Morales and Sam Alexander while he was alive. A mentor. Hill wrote just a few lines, zero complaints. She had let him do it. She trusted Tony with the brilliant teenager.

What the hell…? Okay, Steve was expecting Stark’s interventions like this one, even in his comatose sleeping he managed to be a pain in the ass. But the buzz, the damned and annoying buzz got stronger.

Tony was talking with everybody but him. He was choosing everybody but him!

It didn’t fucking matter! Rogers had more significant things to do for the _dream_. Like kill some people.

 

Tony wasn’t talking to him.

 

One morning in front of the mirror, while he was shaving his beard in one of the SHIELD’s Canadian Headquarters, Steve realized that the buzz had born the same day he had talked with his old friend. Maybe ─ he said to himself, maybe it could be a kind of trap of T.A.I, because even with the restrictions and everything Steve did to have a non-register conversation, the artificial intelligence had been working, he could have put some electronica waves or whatever to make him hallucinated.

_The son of a bitch!_

Rogers had already an answer; visit Tony once more time and put his fucking toy in place… or convinced him to work for HYDRA. He was doing it anyway, he just didn’t know about the true. If Stark had been something ─ in all these years that he had worked with the other Steve ─ was naïve when it was about trusting the Captain, so he would let him be.

But first he needed to clean his mind and removed this buzz.

In the afternoon, he volunteered himself for a mission.  Nothing special just something that would allow him to have the perfect scenario to kill one of these fucking HYDRA’s spies.

The reason? Nothing particular.

In his imagination, Steve saw the face of the genius instead of the infiltrator as his two strong hands broke her neck like a chopstick. One day, he was going to be in front of the Stark’s coffin and do the same, but for now, taken an insignificant life was a small pleasure to quiet the buzz for a while. Steve smiled at the sight of the woman’s pale face kicking him with huge eyes that lost their brightness while she tried to pull him off from her. Checked the spy’s out was a mistake, she was brunet as well. _A joke_ , Steve thought before breaking her skull like it was nothing.

Tony was sleeping like no tomorrow, no changes.

Steve took a deep breath and watched him while his mind brought back this woman’s death. His hand moving by its own, caressing the glass over Tony’s peaceful face, his blue eyes tracing those eyebrows, nose, the goatee… those lips.

How many drinks Stark took before that fight against Carol?

Steve’s hands started to tremble, closing in tight fist. He didn’t feel anything, of course no. He couldn’t feel rage because T.A.I was no paying attention to him. He wasn’t disappointed over his old friend’s silence because that was the plan in first place!

He lifted his hand like an arrow ready to crash the glass in million pieces, but it stopped in the middle of the air. Steve was shaking.

Why didn’t Tony send his A.I to talk with him? Why?

“I’m not your fucking toy!” He roared, fire engulfing his mind, “I’m your master!”

 

 

 

 

** ORANGE **

 

 

 

“Really, I don’t understand why T.A.I boss Riri around like that. I mean, the girl would gone crazy.”

“MJ said that Williams has a plan.”

“A plan for what? Cheating a MIT’s exam?”

“Agent, this is a significant issue.”

“We have enough of teenagers with the triplets.”

“Just… stop talking, okay?”

Yeah, SHIELD had become a kindergarten watching over the young heroes that jumped and made foolishness around their neighborhoods. Miles was trying to live as a normal live since the Civil War ended. Kamala Khan and the other was doing the same. Riri Williams, otherwise, caught Captain America’s attention because of T.A.I, the artificial intelligence was always seen with her.

Mary Jane Watson, former Stark’ assistant, informed to Hill about the visit of the girl in the Tower, T.A.I had insisted. FRIDAY was there too, making jokes with him while Riri looked around. searching for things to do something. Now, that “something” perhaps could be T.A.I trying to understand what was happening inside the net, where HYDRA bots were working to cut off all the systems in the right moment when Rogers said it. Both ─ the girl and T.A.I ─ had already used that trick for him. But T.A.I was curious, too much curious for Steve’s taste.

_Steve hated it._

Carol pushed Quasar to help her and Hill, to create a shield around the globe. With Ulysses’ vision so hilarious about an extraterrestrial enemy, the two women took in their hands the power of Quasar and SHIELD resources to achieve the apparently innocent protection. Meanwhile, he asked out Sharon.

Steve was tying up his tie when T.A.I showed up, making jokes and calling him ‘Winghead’ like he was the actually Tony Stark or the one alive. Maybe, in these times, the most enthusiasm women and men thought about artificial intelligence as living beings but Rogers knew it was nothing but bullshit. T.A.I was nothing but a disgusting program with a high dose of sarcasm and vanity in a well know blue color. Like the Arc Reactor. Jokes above the jokes while the soldier looked himself in the mirror with the ghost figure behind him, smiling and waving his hand.

“ _Not even a hello, uh?”_

“Something happened to Williams?”

“ _Why should I be here if Riri was in trouble?”_

“Why do you answer a question with another?”

_“_ _Why are you doing the same?”_

Steve counted to hundred and turned around, “do you need something?”

_“_ _Your tie is awful.”_

“Besides questioning my taste in clothes.”

_“_ _Um, well… I have something to tell you.”_

“Right now?” Rogers checked his watch.

“ _Uh, oh, do you have a date?”_

“I have to insist, what do you need?”

_“_ _That is a good question but I’m afraid the answer will take more than a couple of minutes, because the implications of-”_

“Talk with Danvers then.”

Steve turned around over his heels, pulling his coat and leaving T.A.I behind but the hologram ran and tried to reach his arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Steve yelled without thinking “You’re disgusting!”

Maybe his mind was blurry or unfocused, but the Captain almost swore he had seen T.A.I flinched away and made a strange expression… a sad one.

_“_ _I just want-“_

“Listen, Ton… T.A.I… whatever your name is, I don’t have time to talk with a program, okay?”

_“_ _But…”_

“If you have something important to tell me, you can do a report or call Carol.”

_“_ _Steve, please”_

“Sharon is waiting for me.”

T.A.I didn’t say a word and the soldier walked away faster than he previously meant it. The date was cancelled in the last minute because Sharon was busy working with Hill and Danvers, moving SHIELD’s forces and preparing everything to prove the world that heroes could be trusted again. The media needed answers and Sharon was the only allowed to give them.

Steve went out for his dinner anyway, alone, in that expensive table in the restaurant he had picked out with a beautiful view of Central Park. Those women were really something but for now he wouldn’t bring down their precious plans. So, he ate whatever he wanted, all by himself, trying to quiet the facade of a man in love with a woman he barely saw anymore, someone he hadn’t touched since the Civil War ended. Sharon was working full time with SHIELD and seriously, that was okay for Steve.

The meat was delicious, with the wine and the salad. A strange thought crossed his mind. He reminded the time when Tony and him went for dinner, just the two of them. The Avengers had been successful on the recently missions and they had made a deal to have more team work, so the genius suggested they could go out for some food and he had said yes with a giant smile on the face.

They went to bar, drank a few beers and let the time passed between stupid jokes and the confidence they used to have with each other. Tony told him about his story, the real one, with his father, the alcohol, the parties, the reactor. Steve, from his part, had confessed him his fears about the team, the modern life with almost everybody of his earlier years very dead or in a hospital for their last moments. _A man out of his time_ , Stark had said and laughed hard until the beer sprout of his mouth.

Rogers stopped eating, looking down his meal.

Why was he thinking about this?

It was just a fake memory, from the other Steve, the “good” one. It should mean nothing, it wasn’t real. That Steve had disappeared for good and now the only Captain America was Captain Hydra. Two sides of the same coin. Steve put the glass down and his fork, the meat tasted gross now, his dinner was already ruined, just because a memory.

“The bill, please.” Steve asked as he made his way to leave.

 

 

 

** YELLOW **

 

 

 

The blood ran free over the back of his hand, falling on the white floor in the bathroom. Steve cut himself.

 

Maybe he was asking for a distracting or maybe not.

With a deep breath, he took a paper towel in the cabinet to cover his finger and cleaned the blood away with fresh water. Glenn Miller was on the stereo in the living room, filling the silence with the drums and trumpets. Steve sited down for a moment, waiting for the serum to make its job and finish the healing.

Steve ran away like a crazy man with the newbies, who ended crying for the pain caused by such run but they were happy to share a moment with him anyway. The scar disappeared like magic and he stood up, taking the razor again. _Chattanooga Choo Choo_ stopped and a modern piece of music replaced it, forcing the soldier to get out of the bathroom in his boxers and a towel over his shoulders frowning in annoyance.

“Who…?” Steve stopped at the door.

_“_ _Hi.”_

“What… what are you doing here?”

_“_ _Well, I figure out that our little chat wasn’t finished and I should admit I feel kind of guilty so after a few days, I guess it was okay for me to come.”_

“To my place? Right after my shower?”

_“_ _You never had a problem with that before.”_

“You’re talking about To-“ A pause, “the other you.”

_“_ _Of course not, I’m talking about a world where we live happy ever after, maybe you look more like the old Captain and why not? I’m a beautiful, a genius really. And also, we are married.”_

“Do you have a malfunction or something?”

_“_ _I’m perfect!”_

“And for God’s sake, what are you wearing?”

T.A.I was wearing a winter coat, the fur roamed over the hood, with big buttons. He looked more like a Samoyed dog than anything. Rogers arched an eyebrow waiting for the response. T.A.I just blinked and turned around in a fast spin.

_“_ _Do you like it, Steve?”_

“Does it matter?” He said rolling his eyes.

_“_ _Come on! Don’t answer with a question! You promise!”_

“I didn’t recall any promise like that.”

_“_ _I like it very much, thanks. Do you?”_

Steve could only think in one thing, another memory, which came faster like a comet crushing inside him; another mission, North Pole. Hulk didn’t have any problem running from side to side because he was a huge massive green beast with enough gamma power to melt the icebergs. Tony, without his suit, was a different story. Something about electromagnetic fields and traps. The genius needed to be uncovered and walk a good distance to put some devices for the enemy, but with weather like that it was obviously such a shitty idea but he managed to do it anyway, but right after the Captain bought him a winter coat, with fluffy fur on the hood and big buttons. Tony smiled, letting him know his complains about the fabric and cheap design but he wore it like a second skin, even when he didn’t need it anymore. Tony smiled.

“ _Cap? Are you ok?”_

Curious thing remembering that moment when they got back at headquarters, a few bruises, smiles everywhere. Tony’s hair was a mess, but he was singing. What song…? Sugar from The Archies, yeah that was it. He turned to see him, winking and calling him with his index finger to dance. Steve learned how to dance thanks to Tony, so he said an absolutely ‘no’ to the invitation, Stark continued singing, approaching him to take his hand. Janet was missing like the others, they were alone in the cabin pilot with the music and Tony’s voice singing higher and higher, moving his shoulders and pulling the soldier next to him. Rogers scowled him but laughed after, and finally started to move.

_Honey, oohhh, sugar sugar. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you…_

 

The feel of his hand over him was like velvet, Steve never let go his hand.

 

 

_“_ _Um, okay, this is completely awkward. Houston, we have a problem.”_

“W-what?"

_“For_ _Tesla’s mustache. I thought I had lost you, Steve.”_

“I’m sorry, you were saying?”

_“_ _Nothing special, you have a wound in your cheek.”_

“It’s okay”

_“_ _Hell, no. Can I look it?”_

“Why?”

_“No, please, no_ _the answers with questions again!_ ” T.A.I came closer, the fur waved like it was real fur, “ _what?”_ He asked

Steve was smiling, “I don’t understand why you’re wearing a coat if you are not real.”

_“_ _I’m real!”_

“Can you prove it?”

_“C_ _an you prove otherwise?”_

“I can’t touch you.”

_“_ _That is not entirely true. You can touch me, Cap.”_

“No, thanks.”

“ _Chicken_.”

“You are a program, just an artificial intelligence very well done.”

_“_ _Sounds as if I was a steak.”_

“A good looking steak.”

_“_ _Now we’re understanding each other. Well he always did.”_

“T.A.I, why-“

_“_ _Call me Tony, that’s my name. Only Carol calls me T.A.I.”_

“But you are not Tony.” Said Steve sounding angry again.

_“_ _Cap, you got it before, try again.”_

“Okay, I will try,” Steve sighed, “why didn’t you come to me in the first place?”

_“_ _Whoa, right to the point.”_

“Now you’re being the chicken.”

_“_ _Objection, I already had an excellent answer, or a pretext if you like to accuse me.”_

“I’m all ears.”

“ _Well, the answer is… I have no idea.”_

“What?” Steve frowned.  

T.A.I ─ Tony raised his arms, waving his hands, “ _Seriously, maybe the sleepy Tony forgot to put the command in my systems. But I don’t have any instruction about talking you right away I was alive and kicking.”_

“So… you decided to speak with me freely?”

“ _Yeah, well,_ _kind of.”_

“Kind of?”

_“_ _Excuse me? Is there echo here?”_ Tony looked him without blink, “ _maybe I decided it but also maybe Tony wanted it too.”_

Steve frowned again, his heart beats faster than before. “You wanted to tell me something.”

_“_ _Uh, oh… it’s about the same topic we are discussing.”_

“We’re not discussing anything.”

_“_ _You have some anger issues, you know?”_

“What do you really want Tony?”

The hologram got suddenly colored, just for Steve. In that moment, it was like seeing the real Tony. Probably a hallucination, watching two blue eyes shaking and being shy fixed on his own while one metallic hand with fur sleeve touched his face. It was sweet and warm, begging for something inside of him. Rogers didn’t flinch or tried to avoid the touch like before. When the song ended and Tony laughed for the last time, he touched his face in the same way, whispering something, Steve couldn’t remember because it had been meant for the other Steve, the one that had never really existed.

Tony did shake his head, looking at him.

_“_ _You know is a lie.”_

 

 

 

** GREEN **

 

 

The city lights were going through the white drapes, making some kind of geometric forms over the carpet. There was a distant music, a ballad perhaps, among the sirens and sporadic claxons in the street next to the hotel where Steve was staying.

All his body was covered in sweat and mug. He tried to catch his breath because he didn’t want to moan, or hear his lips whispering that name. He hurried the orgasm, cursing his serum for delaying it. He was sleeping, really tired for his daily duties, until a dream came to his mind, mixed between the normal ones, gaining space and finally, taking control. He saw himself, laying on the floor with his hands and feet tied, the shield was missing and the uniform allowed to see how badly he was. Tortured? Maybe. But he wasn’t alone.

Tony was there, his body full of bruises and cuts, his under suit barely stay over his skin, tied as him. Tony seemed to sleep but he was looking at him. The fading light of the cell made those blue eyes look like cat’s ones; sharpen, fixed on the blonde with a mischievous glitch. For some strange reason, Steve wasn’t afraid or worried about them, he trusted the man lying at his feet. The enemy had thought that taking away the armor was enough to defeat Stark, but it was a huge mistake, because the soldier knew better, he had trained the genius to use his body as a weapon even naked. Silence filled the space while the two continued to stare each other, the expression on Tony’s eyes wasn’t one of a man with a plan, was different.

“You are gorgeous”, said Tony abruptly and Steve smile instead of being angry. “You already made that statement once”. A whisper as laugh reached Steve’s ears, feeling next Tony’s head resting comfortably on his foot.

“You are a cat”, he murmured then.

“Nothing new to you,” Steve managed to move his sore body and touched his hair, almost petting him. Then he heard a purring and laughed a little higher. “Shh, they will hear us”.

A hand landed on his knee, the bastard free himself from his ties, confirming him that nobody could restrain Iron Man. Poor guys. “Are you ok?” Steve asked a little worried because the wounds.

“Tsk, trust me, Winghead,” He scowled but continued to pet him until they both perceived a noise coming from the other side of the cell. Rogers waited for the surprise, before feel his owns ties be undone.

The dream was nothing in particular, but Steve remembered the feeling of that touch, the caressing of those brown curls and the cat eyes, roaming over his body.

Why did these dreams and memories feel so real? Why? Why did he feel so alive remembering Tony’s touches and smiles, his eyes and his jokes?

The other Steve had the lies and the fake life. He was the real one, supreme leader of Hydra and the hand to swing the cradle. The dream was so close and he was shaking with a hand moving around and along his cock, eyes closed and frowning in pleasure thinking in the color of Tony’s skin, Tony’s eyes, guessing if the electric touch of T.A.I could be the same as the touch of the Stark made of flesh.

And then, why this confusion? Why the storm inside his head, two wolves fighting but no one having the victory?

Steve arched his back on the bed, his hand fisting his dick tightly. A name escaped freely from his lips, smiling at the delicious feeling of his come over his torso. He trembled, curling his toes and later his body was nothing more but jelly, sprawled on the big bed of his room. A ceiling fan was moving slowly, spreading fresh air.

The music was still playing far away, like a whisper but with enough noise to be heard it. He let it go, opened his hand and lay facing the ceiling with narrow eyes, allowing himself this moment of peace. This sentiment was too much real for being a simple lie. Maybe the memories belonged to the other Steve but one thought started to bother him in the back of his mind. The “ _what ifs”_ that always created the most confused and deeper question in the history.

What if…? What if the memories were real and this identity as Hydra leader, Hydra agent, Hydra spy was the lie? What if Tony was trying to save him through T.A.I?

What if this Steve, the real, the Hydra leader was who loved Tony?

Kids were walking at late hour yelling and laughing. His words reached the high floor where the Captain was resting. He jumped off the bed, running to the bathroom with hurry, lifting the toilet lid up and throwing his dinner as a bad Pollock painting. Flushing twice the toilet, Steve sat down on the cold floor, looking around. Shame came with the force of thousand stars exploiting at the same time.

What the hell he was thinking? In fact, why was he thinking too much about Tony and his fucking A.I.?

Dear God, he had got off because of him! The sickness burst again and the soldier tensed, all his muscles shrank until nothing left in his stomach, resting his head on the toilet’s edge, thanking for the coldness on the weather that at least could calm down this temporal fever while his body collapsed, part on the toilet, part on the white floor.

The buzz of the ceiling fan was stronger than the buzz inside his mind. Steve laughed like a maniac that just find out he would never recover his sanity again and the only way of surviving now was to ignore it and continue to do what he was doing. But the dissatisfaction hits again, running through his veins and mind as well, telling words he could no longer understand, some of them darker, others relaxing, but the language was foreign to Rogers right now. He took deep breath before got up to clean the rest of the mess. He had a few hours before the alarm chirped and one of the SHIELD’s agents knocked the door, calling him to start his routine.

_Shame._

 

 

 

** BLUE **

 

 

 

Steve was reaching the breaking point.

If he relaxed again, the memories came back wrecking him with shared moments between Tony and him; fighting each other, fighting together, afternoons in front the TV playing videogames, planning strategies for the team, flying with them across the blue ocean while singing another stupid love song. The damned cat mug filled with strong black coffee and that knowing smile of Tony while coming down the stairs as he called Steve ‘beloved’.

Then, he woke up and talked with some HYDRA members, discussing how they would rule the world and made the people see that HYDRA was the right choice, the final solution and the only true that mattered. But this kind of life started to feel empty, hollowed and unhappy. The dream wasn’t his bright new star anymore. Winning all the moves in this chess game and put the world upon its knee seemed pathetic, worthless and pointless.

Sharon was nowhere to be seeing, but it didn’t really matter because they didn’t talk anymore. He yelled her days ago for no reason because Steve was feeling trapped on his own lies. Saying aloud was another thing.

The buzzing feeling was more like a dagger cutting with the patience of an expert surgeon in a dangerous open heart surgery through his flesh, through his very soul if he still had one. The need to remember these false memories instead on focus in his real life worn him out, and sometimes he found himself craving for something nameless and addictive that only the very simple task of think on Tony inside his dammed coffin filled the soldier with a bitter feeling which burned his guts and calmed his unknown desires. Horses that had stopped their run, sleeping peacefully for a while just before the storm that would wake them up again.

“It must stop now,” Steve said to himself in front of the mirror.

So, he was with Tony or it was a saying, in his workshop, as if that place could give him the answer he was looking for. His hand crashed down with the grey large table, trembling. All the memories came back again and this time the Captain felt the urgency to shout out like a wounded wolf in the middle of a black forest, calling for help. He was aware of what he needed to do but the pride was still too much to give up, even if the tears threatened to show up on his weary eyes. What if Tony really heard him the first time and since then, he was trying to rescue him from nothing but himself?  What if for this time, he was right?

They cared for each other, they had saved each other so many times than Steve would be millionaire if someone had given him a dollar for every time they'd saved each other.

“Talk to me! TALK TO ME, GODDAMMIT!”

_“I’m here, Steve.”_

The soldier trembled violently, facing T.A.I.

“NO! I NEED TONY!”

_“I’m here, Steve. I’ve always been.”_

The fucking hologram was looking at him with pity and that triggered Steve.

“Stop it! I said stop it! I command you to stop!”

_“Stop what?”_

“This! This game of yours, now!”

Those eyes got sad.

“ _I can´t do it and you know why.”_

“Yes, you fucking can! Do it now!”

_“Why are you asking me this?”_

“Stop pretending!” Steve was shaking, “STOP! I-“

Tony came to him, raising one hand to touch his face, without the gauntlet. He was so serious, he was ─ in the irony of his hologram ─ so blue, trying in vain to stop the tears that were running freely on Steve’s face. The touch was cold but tender and he couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I want you to want me,” confessed the soldier in a whisper, “I need you to need me, talk to me like those old days when you laughed only because of me, you fought, resisted because me… I want to feel that again. I want the true of my life, Tony. I need you, please… tell me who I really am. What should I do to feel alright again, to see my own reflection and don’t want to punch the mirror because I don’t like what I see. I want you to want me like before. I need you to need me. I’m so fucked up but you can fix me, I know, because I can’t bear all these thoughts once more. I’m lost, I’m nothing right now and I did only realize it because of you. Yes, I got mad at you, rejected you when you came that day, but it wasn’t real. You make feel jealous and desire you at the same time when you touch me,” Steve laughed without humor, “How pathetic of me, right? Tell me, I want you even in this form even when I know it’s not really you. This is crazy but I need so much that is burning me inside and if you said the words I’m going to fall on my knees and beg you for the impossible. I’m shaking, look at me, Tony. Is this what you were looking for? You win, ok? Now stop this, please. I can’t, I just… I can’t…

_“C’mon, I’ve seen you crying before, don’t feel ashamed, Steve._

“Please…”

_“You said that the other Steve loved me. Was it a lie? As this life of yours?_

“It was true, everything.”

_“Say it again, Steve, and we can solve it, together.”_

“What…? What do you want me to say?”

_“Just say it.”_

The Captain fixed his eager eyes on Tony’s, “The true is that I’ve loved you, I always do but I hurt you as well. Forgive me so I can forgive myself.”

 

 

 

** INDIGO **

 

 

 

Natasha pointed her gun at him, of course she did. She also checked out for hidden traps around. Steve was waiting for her, after all. He was standing on rock outside the crashed building that had belonged to HYDRA. Smoke flowed in the air and fire was burning across the ruins.

The Captain killed Red Skull and Zemo as well. There was enough hate for both of them. Helicarriers appeared soon on the sky but the redhead woman didn’t move at all, narrowing her beautiful eyes, calculating if the former leader of HYDRA was an enemy or not. Rogers raised both hands his shield was broken at his feet, standing up without moving a muscle, looking at Romanova as he wasn’t afraid of nothing. Natasha dropped the gun but it didn’t mean like they were friends or something.

“You are under arrest, Steve.”

“Do whatever you need to do, Natasha.”

“Everything you say will be used against you.”

“I understand”

“I’m gonna put you handcuff, Steve.”

“Ok.”

“That´s all? Won’t you be fighting at all?”

“I’m guilty and I accept it.”

“Where is Tony?” She asked suddenly.

“Safe.”

“That’s not enough, you have to tell me where’s exactly he is,” Natasha narrowed her eyes.

“You’ll use it against me,” Steve smiled.

“Swear it, Steve, Is he safe?”

“Yes, I swear, he is.”

It wasn't the first time that Captain America changed the order of the universe because someone else thought it was funny. Replaced or brainwashed, the result was always the same: deaths.

Innocent people died to save him. Heroes would be missing because of him. But now there was more complicated, the reality was modified to make HYDRA the main government and the history rewritten to favor them. Of course, everybody hated him now, everyone wanted to kill him or tortured him, and he even understood the reasons.

Steve had felt fear many times, like now while he was flying to his cell where he will wait for his trial, he committed bloody crimes by ordering or doing with his own hands. He turned his head to see, for the last time, a red copper sun falling behind the blue sea, some sparrows flying so far away till they disappeared and looked like blurred shadows.

It was a beautiful view which the soldier captured in his mind forever. He wasn’t sure when he would be free again. _Maybe never_ , he told himself but he had to trust Tony and his plans.

Steve sighed deeply, barely able to move in his seat with chains. Some Agents of SHIELD walked from side to side, avoiding his gaze. Natasha didn’t speak to him again, yelling orders without look at him.

Everybody was disappointed of him, angry and sad. That didn’t bother Rogers, at all.  The fact that their world was failing apart by the name of tyrannical power. And again, Tony insisted, swearing for the love of all the cat mugs and whisky that he could revert the damage. For him.  Steve smiled, walking to his cell under the heated gaze of the agents that admired him before. He lay down on the tiny bed, face to the ceiling, resting his handcuffs on his chest. Of course, he was afraid, a lot, but the feeling was terrified as peaceful. He knew that in time all the pieces would get in their right place.

 

 

_“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”_

“You are the one with the reckless behavior.”

_“Please, Steve.”_

“Promise me that you will be okay.”

_“You first.”_

“This is stupid, I’m leaving.”

_“Say the gorgeous Captain who is terrified of Twitter.”_

“Okay, I’m not going to fail. I promise you I won’t die.”

_“Thanks. I promise you won’t disappear.”_

“Take care of yourself, Tony.”

_“As long as you fight with me, I will.”_

 

 

These were their last words before he fought against HYDRA, allowing SHIELD to know the whole true. Now he was in that cell in the same concentration camp that he had ordered to build for the Inhumans. Karma was a bitch.

What the hell was he thinking?

But it had its funny side, prisoner of his own prison. Let the poems full of irony began. Maybe for compassion or the little memories she had of her love, Sharon asked Carol for a better treatment during his confinement, so he could have good meals and a decent bed but no windows or a view of the outside, a perfect cube with dim lights and nothing but a toilet, a sink and the bed.

It was more than he could have even dreamed. Steve smiled again, getting settle on bed. Dreaming would be a forbidden pleasure. Nightmares of his sins would haunt him for a long time. Yes, he had feelings now, he could feel angry, disgusted, happy, envy, sad, afraid and shame of himself but in peace. The two wolves in his soul were sleeping, cuddling each other. He could taste what could have been everything if all that power was hold only by him, what he could achieve if the unlimited force was spread without the moral compass of the true Steven Grant Rogers, a kid of Brooklyn, a man running out of his time.

Perhaps he thought that all of this had been good and for a while he convinced himself of that, but not anymore. The Captain closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A playful smile appeared on his mind, a wink of a blue eyes and words filled with the most incredible sentiment he had ever felt in his whole life.

_“I love you, Steve.”_

 

 

** VIOLET **

 

 

 

“It’s okay and I’m in.” Sam said.

No one said another word.

 

Funny thing to find out that he never really searched for his Ireland origins. The rustic cab was shaking as it would break at any moment on the irregular road between two green hills where big puffy lambs were resting comfortable and some dogs raised their heads to look at the unusual car trying to reach the house over the horizon where Steve was heading. Riri Williams insisted, being the actual favorite of Stark, the soldier only nodded and took the fly to his ancestral home.

He was discharged from his range as Avenger member and SHIELD’s director. Madame HYDRA told the others about his training and change of reality through the Cosmic Cube and all the stories about his wanderings. Horror, deception and maybe a little relief crossed the loved faces of his friends in the trial before the sentence was dictated it and Sam Wilson supported him beyond any the reason.

Now he was free again but still under investigation. Iron-heart visited him with a gift: one ticket to Ireland and a key. Tony, somehow ─ Steve was guessing the method ─ managed to move his body and some stuff to hide from the contra attack when he had irrupted into the HYDRA headquarters ─ one of them, but the expression on Zemo’s was really worthy ─ and wait for him as they promised, giving him the time to make the things right.

Sharon broke with him. Obviously it was too much to forgive. Carol only shook her head and turned away. Miles, in the other hand, had been braver and punched him in the face.

They had showed one by one, to throw at him whatever they have for Steve and he stand with the chin up, not for pride, but for Tony. Although Riri had made very clear that Tony Stark was safe, many of his ex-friends believed that he had killed him and that changed his brainwashed mind. A lot of hate versus the reasons and calm was a lost battle, so the Captain let them spit on him as much as they wanted to.

Ireland was pretty and quiet, but if was what Steve needed it for the moment. The address was complicated and the soldier guessed it was intentional. Okay, the ride had enough anecdotes and he got distracted by a bad feeling for a while. Fresh air, a lot of cows and sheep were everywhere across green hills and high mountains where the mist descends to cover a cobbled road surely cleared Roger’s mind. The driver told him it was the final stop and waited for his money, putting the suitcase on the grass. Giving thanks, Steve walked the rest of the road until the old house. Wooden walls with beam ceiling, two floors and a small roof with a Torino car below it, a new sign “ _You know who lives here”_ welcomed him. Steve smiled and take out the key from his pocket, small and shining. Maybe outside the house looked old and unglamorous but the inside was another story.

“Tony?”

He let his suitcase next to the living room, searching with anxiety for the genius. No one answered his call so he walked around, went upstairs and opened the windows to let the fresh air ran freely inside. In the kitchen it was waiting a kettle on the oven, medium fire. Sesame donuts on the table recently made.

“Tony? Where are you?”

Steve noticed the basement door close to the biggest window next to the narrowed corridor was closed. Pulling the knob cord, the soldier opened the door and walked down stairs. Automatic lights replaced the common switch he was looking for. Stark’s coffin was there, perfectly fine and running.  With hurry, the Captain stepped forward to reach the glass and breathed in relief.

“Hey, Tony”

Then he frowned, because the genius’ face wasn’t normal. It looked paler than before and… ghostly? Steve tapped the glass, really worried.

“Tony, come on.”

He almost jumps when a smile with a wink appeared on the sleeping face. The soldier almost swore under his breath but he noticed that something more had happened. Before he could make a question, a lovely voice sounded from behind his back.

“I’m here, Steve.”

“Tony!”

The ghostly hologram faded and Steve turned over his heels to meet big blue eyes, he heard soon Tony’s playful laugh.

“You should look at your face, Steve. Friday take a picture.”

_“Yes, Boss.”_

“Tony! How…?”

“Well, one thing was attached to the other. The Cosmic Cube with the virus I was experimented on myself, and other bored science things. Victor was responsible too.”

“Victor?” Steve arched an eyebrow.

“Okay, Doom.”

“Hmm, go ahead.”

“What? I just woke up from a nightmare and the only thing you could say is “go ahead”?

Steve laughed and reached out for the man, pulling him against his chest to kiss these lips as long as the oxygen allowed it. Many things needed to be solved, many things had to be settled, other probably would lead to another fight, and his friends needed to hear how sorry he felt.

The world was still in the twisted reality of the Cosmic Cube but HYDRA was falling, surely, they would rise again in the future, as Victor Von Doom continued being a pain in the ass. But now Steve could see the color spectrum of his life and take the right decisions, he was free and pretty aware that this was what he really need to do. No more buzzing feelings or dreams pre-fabricated by others.

“I missed you, Shellhead,” he whispered against Tony’s mouth.

“I know, Winghead.”

 

He was at home. Finally.

 

 

_Say my name_  
_As every color illuminates_  
_We are shining_  
_And we will never be afraid again_

_Say my name_  
_We are shining_  
_Say my name_  
_Say my name_  
_And we will never be afraid again_

 

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget see the art that inspires this story in the second chapter!!!
> 
> Thank you so much.


	2. Art for Color Spectrum

 

  

_Tony came to him, raising one hand to touch his face, without the gauntlet. He was so serious, he was ─ in the irony of his hologram ─ so blue, trying in vain to stop the tears that were running freely on Steve’s face. The touch was cold but tender and he couldn’t hold it anymore._

 

 

 

Please, visit [Hero Skatman Tumblr](http://heroskatman.tumblr.com/post/160876062065/team-director-color-spectrum-its-the-first-time).


End file.
